Tips for Personal Statement

College apps are coming up soon whether you’re applying as a freshman transfer or graduate school and I’ve been doing this career advising stuff for like a few months now and a lot of the people had career advice they asked me to read the personal statements and I noticed there’s very common errors that I see very often so I wanted to give like a little like five tips five tricks pub tips on common errors I see in personal statements personal background of mine is that a I I grew up in a family that spoke three different languages um English Chinese Chinese Cantonese and then Chinese a Chinese language called nie which is a very rare dialect.

Growing up my English was like really bad like I went to pretty much all white grade school and my teacher is always expected you know people to have like a certain level of English while me you know when you speak English at school but then you go home and you speak Chinese for like the first element like five or six years of your life you’re already so behind that it’s really hard to catch up so I really didn’t start getting better at English until after college when I actually had time to read for leisure and start like making videos for leisure.

So that’s what really helped my I guess English catch up to other peoples is that after college reading and writing so with that you say let’s go our first tip about writing a personal statement and number one error I see is a lot of people write what the college could do for them and not what they can do for the college for example a lot of times when the prompts will be why do you want to attend our college and a lot of times I see people read write oh you know this I need to go to this college because it will it would help me have a really successful career um you know it’d look good on my resume some sums up basically along those lines of course worded more elegantly. See a similar articles on Edusson.

What the rear university is like really looking for in a personal statement when they ask you why you want to attend the school they really want to look for students that are going to be they’re going to be the leaders the ones that are going to start new clubs they’re gonna they’re going to want someone that’s competing for the school name in some way so either through athletics through engineering competitions or there anything any even even salsa dancing club they want students that are going to make the canvas diverse they want something that’s going to add to the campus so when they say why you want you attended to school don’t just write you know because I need to have a good career or because I have a I want to be a doctor and I need to go to school be a doctor the equivalent of that would be you know.

Editor’s Hints for Essay Writing

Editor’s Hints for Essay Writing

Complete the following tasks, and check them off as you go.


1. Find and highlight your thesis in RED.

Make sure it has the following:
Topic =
Opinion =
3 main ideas

If any of the above is missing, then ADD to the THESIS!

2. HOOK – Locate HOOK at the beginning of P1 – Make sure it is description, or a
simile, or a statistic, or a quote — ADD at least ONE sentence to your HOOK today!

3. Highlight transition words at the beginning of P2, P3, P4, and P5 in YELLOW. If you
are missing one, add one.

4. Locate the pronoun YOU and change it in your paper. Change it to a third person
pronoun (she, he, they) or a first person pronoun (I, we, us)

5. Paragraph 2 – Locate and highlight/underline topic sentence in RED

  • Add one detail sentence – specific example of main idea – BLUE
  • Elaborate your detail (when, where, how, why) – GREEN

6. Paragraph 3 – Locate and highlight topic sentence in RED

  • Add one detail sentence – specific example of main idea – BLUE
  • Elaboration your detail (when, where, how, why) – GREEN

7. Paragraph 4 – Locate and highlight topic sentence in RED

  • Add one detail – specific example of main idea – BLUE
  • Elaborate your detail (when, where, how, why) – GREEN

Written Expression:

8. Look for a simile or metaphor. If you do not have one in your paper, add one. Once
you have one, highlight it with ORANGE.

Usage and Mechanics:

9. Combine any two short sentences with a SEMICOLON (;)
10. Combine any two short sentences with (, and) or (, or)
11. Make sure the first word of EVERY sentence is CAPITALIZED!

Essay Editing Checklist

Essay Editing Checklist

Ideas and Content
Explain each idea more carefully, using more details
Add in more cited information that supports the idea of the paragraph

Needs a 3-part thesis statement as the last sentence of the introduction.
Please add a topic sentence to the supporting body paragraphs
Please add concluding sentences that connect the paragraph back to the thesis.
Please begin the conclusion with a restated thesis.
Not all paragraphs stay on the topic introduced by the topic sentence.
Add to the introduction to make it more fully introduce the ideas of the paper.
Hook needed for the introduction.
Add to the conclusion a more complete ending. Consider a hopeful note.

Please add a parallel sentence to each supporting paragraph to help describe the idea
Please describe the problems with vivid verbs and lively descriptions.

Word Choice
Eliminate inappropriate slang.
Use more specific words/ replace common or vague words.
Repeated words need to be alternated and changed to include more variety.

Sentence Fluency
Fragments must be revised.
Run-ons must be revised.
Writing is too mechanical; sentence length is repeated without variation.
Please employ correctly used colons or semicolons.

Please use Spell Check
Commonly misused words have been misused!
Punctuation or capitalization errors

Citing Sources
Sources must be prompted more clearly.
Please include one single sentence paraphrase.
Please include one well prompted, clearly explained quote.
End of sentence punctuation belongs outside of the citation parenthesis.
All body paragraphs require cited information.

About the Structures For Writing the First Draft by Robert A. Pauker

About the Structures For Writing the First Draft by Robert A. Pauker

This book explains The Structured Writing process by providing multiple annotated examples for literature, science, social studies and mathematics. In addition, the final section of this book demonstrates how to utilize The Structured Writing process to create a complete personal narrative essay.

The book is organized into these five parts.

Part 1 Structuring a Response to Literature

Samples of persuasive, expository, poem analysis, personal narrative, and letter paragraphs

Part 2 Structuring a Response to Science Text, Article or Experiment

Samples of persuasive, expository, article, personal narrative, and business letter paragraphs

Part 3 Structuring a Response to Social Studies Text, Article, Video or Research Question

Samples of persuasive, expository, chapter text, personal narrative, and historical letter paragraphs

Part 4 Structuring a Response to a Mathematical Process or a Decision Based Upon Mathematics

Samples of persuasive, mathematical principle, article, personal narrative, and business letter paragraphs

Part 5 Writing a Personal Narrative Essay

The annotated examples demonstrate how to apply each of the six steps of The Structured Writing process to a particular area of focus. The area of focus is the central theme or purpose of the paragraph. Analytical paragraph writing requires that this focus be specific in nature.

The logical sequence of each step of the process provides students with a critical thinking structure that makes producing in-depth paragraphs easy. The reader can begin his or her exploration in The Structured Writing process by reading the section of this book that is of most immediate interest. The teacher of science would most likely turn to Part 2 immediately; the teacher of mathematics would turn to Part 4 immediately.

On a personal note, as you read each section think about how you can incorporate annotated examples into your daily instruction.

Structures for Writing the First Draft

Structures for Writing the First Draft

Here are a few points to keep in mind when reading through the examples of this process.

1. Every paragraph is based upon a specific focus. The paragraph begins with “a main idea” and not “the main idea.” There are many possible main ideas on which the paragraph may center, as opposed to one right main idea.

2. When writing the paragraph, each part of the six-step analytical process relates to previous parts. For example, the sentences in part two relate to the main idea stated in part one; the response to part three is based on the response in part two. As a result, the rough draft paragraph is very logical.

3. Success with this method is dependent upon the student understanding of the topic and the focus. The old adage “garbage in and garbage out” applies. The teacher can look at the student’s sentences(s) for chapter one of this process and know immediately if the student comprehends the content or the topic.

When you teach the Structured Writing process, it is essential to spend time training students to become proficient with each step of the process.

Here are a few points to keep in mind.

1. Take the student through the process step-by-step. Let the student complete the first step before describing the second.

2. Give students time to share their responses and an opportunity to borrow ideas from each other during the training phase. Have students read responses including previously completed steps. For example, after completing step three of the process, a student will share his or her sentence for steps one, two, and three.

3. Work with the students to embellish the quality of their responses. With content writing, insist on appropriate terminology.

4. Push students toward in-depth sentences that complement previously stated language but do not repeat.

5. Require that rough draft sentences be longer, except when writing a personal narrative.

For example, I require that most rough draft sentences be, at least, twelve words; this encourages students to elaborate and to play with the inclusion of prepositional phrases or dependent clauses.

I hope you enjoy your experience with this process. I look forward to hearing how your students are doing, and I am happy to answer any questions as you put this process into play.

The Structured Writing process helps to write an essay

The Structured Writing process helps to write an essay

The Structured Writing Program only centers on the composition of first draft paragraphs. Once this initial draft is completed, students can apply relevant skills and utilize the flow of their inner voice to make modifications. My observations indicated that a well-designed rough draft paragraph made this second phase of revision much easier.

Finally, I recognized that rough draft paragraphs need to be focused on one specific concept or idea. Writing a paragraph that began as follows: “There are many causes of the American Revolution.” resulted in a relatively meaningless paragraph that only listed general ideas. A paragraph that began with a specific, centered main idea produced an analytical rough draft paragraph.

For example, “The Colonial leadership refused to comprise on the Stamp Act, even though the British showed a willingness to make modifications.”

Therefore, each main paragraph in the Structured Writing system is based upon one area of focus. The idea of centering each paragraph on an area of focus became crystallized in my mind in the mid-1980s when I was consulting to an insurance company. I was brought in to work with the company’s engineers who analyzed the condition and status for pieces of equipment that could cost millions of dollars. This analysis was necessary before the company could determine appropriate insurance rates. These engineers had to write clear reports stating problems and recommendations related to these expensive machines. Clients and the actuaries of the insurance company read these reports. I was brought in to train the engineers to write clearer reports that were both analytical
and logical.

What I found was training these engineers to create an area of focus for each paragraph of the report resulted in highly improved paragraphs. For example, one paragraph might center on the narrow focus of “pitting in the shell of the steam drum.” Consequently, the reader understood the singular purpose of the paragraph.

I hope you have fun with this six-step Structured Writing process as you teach students the value of clarity and analysis in their writing.

The Structured Writing process to create a personal narrative essay

The Structured Writing process to create a personal narrative essay

Our current world is dominated by a series of short messages communicated through emails, Facebook, Twitter, and the like. The students of today believe that the brevity of these messages is a positive. The types of communication that have grown out of technology reduce clarity and heighten assumption. These students often become indignant at the idea of explaining their point of view with depth.

I began the Structured Writing and Thinking Program in 1984. At that time, I had been a consultant for a few years and had an opportunity to observe how students approached writing. I found that a sizeable group of students had difficulty organizing their paragraph responses. This organization was complicated by the philosophy of some teachers that students should just put down their thoughts in any order.

Coupled with these observations, I, also, was influenced by the investigation I was conducting in 1986 and 1987 for my book on critical thinking from the American Association of School Administrators, entitled Teaching Thinking and Reasoning Skills. From this experience, I began to draw a few conclusions that influenced key components of the Structured Writing Program. These are two of the most pronounced conclusions.

First, I came to believe that a highly structured writing approach did not get in the way of creative thinking. In fact, I found that creative and critical thinking work hand in hand. As the Structured Writing and Thinking Program evolved, I began to observe that students who learned this six-step process could comfortably infuse their “individual voices” into the structure; this meant that their personal styles of expression could be incorporated into their paragraphs or into parts of their stories.

Second, I realized that certain students had a more difficult time of organizing their thoughts than others. When given a sequence of steps that facilitated this organization, these students could produce high-quality paragraphs. I began to understand that there is a marked difference between “how one writes” and “what one writes.” The structure minimizes the stress related to “how the student organizes the rough draft paragraph”; as a result, the student can devote his or her productive energies to “what is the content of my message.”